Jealousy

Ok, I can’t stand the feeling anymore so I must admit: I’m jealous!

It’s true, the value of this confession is lowered because I’m doing it here, in my secret place, unknown by the people who know me in real life. But… it is a confession, it must worth something! Also, my perfect image in real life will not be affected in any way! 🙂

So, I entered that travel writing competition I was talking about. And I started to read the stories of the other competitors. Some of them are really good. But a big part of their greatness is due to the places and people they describe.

My story is… well, I don’t know how it is, but it’s not exotic. Sometimes I think it’s perfect, sometimes I hate it. Today I don’t like the beginning, the middle, the ending; the next day I think they are perfect. And so on… Well, in a month and a few days I will find out how it really is!

Sure, I was living in France for 10 months and in Belgium for another five. I traveled in Germany, Austria and my beloved green wonderful Ireland.  I met amazing people and I’ve seen great places. But they are nothing compared to eating a traditional dish in Nepal, or to building a house somewhere in Africa, or to teaching in South America. My places are wonderful, their places are exotic, different, special.

Anyway, I’m jealous of them. That’s it, I can’t help it. I will never admit it in front of somebody I know in real life so… shhht! this will be our little secret!

From zero to hero? Let the gambling begin!

Do I have any chance to succeed as a writer?

Before placing your bets, I have to be honest. Here are my pros and cons.

Pros:

I love to write. I want to write. Some people even say I have talent.

Cons:

1. English language

English is not my native language. I’m so afraid not to make mistakes that it keeps me back. I’m a “grammar nazi” when it comes to my native language, what on earth will I do when an English grammar nazi will bump into my writings? The thought of it makes me shiver!

(I know, you would ask why I don’t write in my language. Because the publishing industry is so small that is almost invisible in my country; because writing is considered a caprice and it will never ever pay your bills; because there are no writing competitions – or they are but nobody knows about them… and so on).

2. The job

I have a challenging job. It is interesting, well paid and I adore it for these reasons. But it is also time-consuming and – even more important – energy-consuming. After 8 hours at work (or ten, or twelve…) I barely know my own name. Most of the time, the  most challenging “intellectual” activity I can do after work is shooting bubbles in some childish online game.

3. My connections

Networking is important. At least that’s what they say in every article you can read about a writer’s life.  I know… nobody. I don’t event know who should I know!

4. My quiet writing space and time

It doesn’t exist. I am almost never home alone. I don’t know what “enjoy the silence” means. My ideas are striving every moment to get above the noises around. The worst part is that sometimes they even fight each other!

So… anyone dares to bet on me?

The beginning

There are stories in my head since… forever.

I was writing when I was really young and – surprisingly – I was appreciated. I even won some small writing competitions at the time! Then… I grew up. Suddenly, I couldn’t find time to write anymore. The stories were still in my head, but…  no time, no energy, no mood to sit down and just write them.

I used to dream that when I’ll be retired I’ll have a nice quiet house and plenty of time to write. Then, I started to hope I’ll win the lottery and I’ll have a lot of time to write without worrying about the money, the bills, the job.

Recently I realized that I should do it right now. I should struggle to find time and energy, I should fight for my dream. And here is the beginning…